Learning to Juggle Again

TL;DR: Going back to work was good, I’m glad I’m part time as my energy level is still recovering. Radiation treatment is going well and the machine and process is objectively interesting. We’re getting ready for Mike’s surgery this week and are grateful it’s so soon because he’s been having a tough go of it this weekend. I’ll try to post something Thursday (2/9) to let everyone know how his surgery went. I meet my new oncologist this week. Thank you to everyone for all of your help, prayers, and support!

One of the benefits of medical leave is that I got to be laser focused on healing. It was sometimes boring, but it did make it easier to do all of the things one needs to do in recovery: exercise, PT exercises, drinking a ton of water, eating well, and all the mental/spiritual health things like meditation, spiritual time, including prayer, etc. (I know plenty of people do this and work full time, but that’s still a juggle I’m learning.)

However, medical leave is not real life since we don’t ever seem to have the PowerBall or Mega Millions winning numbers. (We don’t buy tickets often, but sometimes we do and it’s a nice dream!) I’m glad that the doctors sent me back part time. I was surprised at how tired I was at the end of my five hours each day. It’s going to take time to get back to my full capacity and I don’t think I really appreciated that until last week when I tried part time capacity. Going back to work was great, it’s great to see my colleagues again, and I think I made a small contribution to the team in addition to getting a lot of late training done. That being said, as I noted, it was humbling, I’m not at full capacity yet and realizing that was a bit confronting. Particularly since the radiation treatment isn’t likely to help the situation. I have to remind myself that I’ll get there and this is just another part of the healing that still has to happen. While it sometimes feels like I’m done, I’m not actually done and I have to remember that for myself – there’s many months still to go here.

And so, I am learning to juggle again. My days are very busy trying to get all the self-care/healing activities done in addition to radiation treatment and work. It’s doable, but I am tired at the end of the day. (I am sleeping pretty well, still medically assisted, but…) I’m watching myself and making cuts where/when I need to so that I don’t overdo it.

I did my first 3 radiation treatments last week and they are interesting. (Only 25 more to go!) They got progressively quicker and so by the 3rd treatment I could have been in and out in < 20 minutes. (It was longer because I stopped to ask the nurse a question.) The treatments don’t hurt, and objectively the machine is fascinating. It’s huge and large parts of it move around to point the part of it they are using with you. The radiation delivery part of the machine is also neat because it has these small lead “fingers” that change to alter the beam shape for different treatment angles and you can see them moving around to adjust the beam shape. It appears to be very precise and tailorable; they align my position on the table with lasers and those little tattoos I have. On the first day there was a light that was behind the “fingers” and they traced where the beam was going to be on my body in green sharpie. When I got home I could see where it is. It was crazy and a bit cool even if I’d rather not be doing this at all. The room itself is also very interesting as they tell me it has thick concrete walls and the door is a giant lead door that they open and close as needed to protect the team administering the radiation. (I might see if they’ll let me try moving the door this week, I’m curious.) I asked and the radiation itself is high energy X-rays. The machine also has a built in digital x-ray machine that they use to set things up initially as well.

This week we’re getting ready for Mike’s surgery. Things got a bit worse for him pain and strength-wise this weekend and so we are very grateful that the surgery is scheduled for Thursday and we are really praying and hoping it it works. I’ll try to do a quick post Thursday night (2/9) to tell everyone how Mike’s surgery went.

I have radiation Mon – Wed, and then I won’t do treatment Thursday so I can be with Mike for his surgery and on Friday they are closed for radiation machine upgrades. (But I do have Keytruda Friday). I also meet my new oncologist on Wednesday. So, in short, it’s going to be a very busy week with a bit of shifted focus toward Mike’s needs as he recovers.

Thank you for everything you are doing for both of us, we are so grateful and I just can’t tell you how much it means to both of us! I hope you all know that even though I don’t have the energy to respond to all of your comments, I read them all and they all mean so much to me and Mike! Have a wonderful week!

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Thank you for taking time to keep up with us and see how we’re doing as well as all the help!  Because, I think like me, much of the world does nearly everything on their phones…I’m adding this note to the end of posts to make website navigation easier if you are on a phone.  If you’d like to read other journal entries, please click here (oldest post is at the bottom of the page).  There’s also a “hamburger” menu in the top right of the webpage that can help you navigate between the journal, ways to help page, stay in touch, and welcome pages.   Please know that reading this page and thinking of us is help!   Thank you for your support in all forms! If you have any issues, please email [email protected].