TL;DR: Today was my last infusion treatment and I got to ring the bell that I am done with treatment! So much yay! I’m doing better mentally but am still working through everything and am not feeling fully myself yet. I will get there. I have a new psychiatrist that I’m really happy with. Thank you for all of your amazing support and hobby suggestions! Post frequency will slow down with treatment being done.
First off, I want to say thank you to each and every one of you for your amazing support! The outpouring of kindness and support after my last post particularly was wonderful and I’m so grateful to be surrounded by so many amazing people. I really appreciate all your comments and thoughts on my blog and FB even if I don’t reply. It means so much that you offered your kindness and encouragement with respect to my mental health struggles; thank you. (I also really appreciated all the hobby suggestions…thank you…now I just have to pick something to try!)
It was a big day today as it was my last Keytruda treatment and I got to ring the bell at the infusion center. I am now DONE with treatment. Which is exciting, wonderful, and really strange all at the same time. Mike came with me today and we took Torrance Bakery goodies in for the nurses, doctors, and staff at City of Hope to celebrate. (Cupcakes, brownies, and brookies in case you’re wondering…) Afterwards we went to Eataly to have some fresh pasta to celebrate. We also brought home Roman pizza for dinner.
It has been an emotional day and in some ways it doesn’t feel real. After 16 months of being in treatment I honestly don’t remember what it’s like to be out of treatment even though I’m very excited about being done. I’m sure it will be more real as life continues to return to normal. I cried today when I rang the bell and I’ve teared up each time I’ve seen the video. (I’m not a very good video editor and so I had to watch it several times while I edited it to be shorter so I could send it to people). (If you would like to see the video, please email me at [email protected] and I will email it to you.)
The poem you read before you ring the bell says: “Ring this bell three times well, its toll to clearly say my treatment is done, the course has run, and I’m on my way.”
I am on my way. I’m very excited about that bit. As a friend said, I now get to say “I have a history of breast cancer.” Rather than, “I have breast cancer”. (Although technically I haven’t “had” cancer since the PCR in December…) I still have to see both the breast surgeon and oncologist once every 3 months for the next 2-3 years. I also still have my chemotherapy/immunotherapy port so I have to get that flushed once a month. (The oncologist recommended keeping it for ~6 months which I’ll do.) There’s also the final reconstruction surgery to do late this year or early next year…but that’s not treatment! This cadence should be a lot easier and a lot more normal. I hope it means I will start to feel more normal.
I already feel a bit more normal with going back to work which has been nice.
I am doing better mentally. The insomnia is still a bit hard (and is present), but I have a new medication from a new psychiatrist that I’m trying out and it seems to be the best one so far even if it’s not fully solving the issue. The plan is still to get the sleep under control and then see how the depression & anxiety are faring. Right now I can say that I don’t really have any feelings of depression which is wonderful. The anxiety is still there but it is also improving, seems to be worst in the mornings, helped by my morning walks, and I am lucky to feel pretty normal by the evening.
I decided to switch to a new psychiatrist because I was feeling like the person I was seeing wasn’t listening as much as I wanted and it was also really hard to get an appointment. I really like the new person I’m seeing and I already have follow-up appointments which makes me feel a bit more comfortable with her treating me going forward.
The doctors also think that the surgical menopause from the oophorectomy could be a lot of what’s going on. (Technically I had gone through chemical menopause from the chemo and the insomnia started then but wasn’t as bad, but there still was a low level of hormones available until the surgery.) As such, I made the decision to start hormone replacement therapy since my cancer wasn’t fueled by estrogen. The initial extremely low dose helped ever so slightly. At the suggestion of my psychiatrist, my surgeon agreed to double my dose and I’ll start that next week after I’ve tried the new sleep medication a few more nights to see how that works. (In the spirit of only changing one thing at a time so you can see what might be working…)
I’m feeling a lot more hopeful with how I’m feeling, the new doctor, and the improvement in sleep. I’m so very grateful to finally be feeling a bit more like myself more regularly.
Work is going well, I’ve still had a lot of appointments recently so while I’m “full time” I haven’t really quite worked full time, but I’ll get there. I still have to prioritize my health, which I hope I will always do from here on out. It’s nice to be making a difference at work and helping out the team…I think that really helps everything too.
Now I just have to pick some hobbies from the fabulous list you all helped with! I’ll be sure to keep you posted on what I pick. I’ve been seeing friends a lot recently which is why I haven’t picked anything already…if you’d like to get together please reach out, I would love to see you!
I hope everyone is having a wonderful end to their summer, staying cool, and overall doing wonderfully! We are so grateful to all of you!
Given that I’m done with treatment I suspect my post frequency will decrease quite a bit. I’ll keep everyone posted as the final surgery nears late this year.
The now “standard” note at the end of posts for website navigation help:
Thank you for taking time to keep up with us and see how we’re doing as well as all the help! Because, I think like me, much of the world does nearly everything on their phones…I’m adding this note to the end of posts to make website navigation easier if you are on a phone. If you’d like to read other journal entries, please click here (oldest post is at the bottom of the page). There’s also a “hamburger” menu in the top right of the webpage that can help you navigate between the journal, ways to help page, stay in touch, and welcome pages. Please know that reading this page and thinking of us is help! Thank you for your support in all forms! If you have any issues, please email [email protected].