3/4 done for this round

TL;DR: Done with 3/4 the round, things are a bit cumulative – this is hard stuff, thank you for all you do for us!

Well, I’m officially 3/4 of the way “done” with treatment for round 2. Done is a relative term of course as I’m still feeling the last treatment, but I’m through the worst of it for which I’m grateful. There’s not a whole lot to report, much of how I feel is similar to last treatment, just a bit “more” and I definitely am feeling what they mean by the cumulativeness of chemotherapy.

On that note, I thought it is important to acknowledge how uniquely individual this type of treatment is. There are generalities that seem to apply but it is objectively fascinating to observe how what I feel both physically and emotionally is both the same and different from others I’ve talked to who have gone through similar treatments.

One thing that I has been poignant for me as I approach the last treatment is how people make decisions regarding doing treatment or not. I remember when I first was diagnosed a friend had connected me with a support group that a friend of hers had started on FaceBook. One thing I read rather early on was a post where this friend of a friend had decided to not do the last round of chemotherapy her doctors had recommended. I remember thinking this was crazy, absolutely crazy. I no longer think she is crazy, I now understand a bit more about how someone would arrive at this decision for themselves. (Before anyone gets terribly worried here, please don’t worry, I’m doing the last treatment!) I am TIRED of all of this and some days the mountain of one more treatment just seems too tall. (Also note, this friend of a friend is currently cancer free…)

Chemotherapy is hard and it’s as hard mentally as it is physically. I have daydreamed of some miracle occurring where my doctor tells me I don’t have to do that last treatment and my outcome will be the same. Because I have responded so well to treatment and cancer treatment seems to be conservative, I suspect my outcome would likely be somewhat unchanged if I didn’t do the last treatment. That being said, there is no data to back a decision up like that and so I will continue with treatment per the study that defined it. It’s not worth the risk, I need to know I’ve done everything I can to fight the cancer so that long term I don’t question my decisions here. (I did go and read every study I could find about long term outcomes to convince myself it was best I do this.)

Unfortunately that extremely logical set of statements doesn’t make the “doing” of things any easier, I still have to get through each day until we’re done and there are a fair number of days left.

This whole line of thinking also is interesting because I do have a fundamental question about how the doctors figure out how enough is enough with chemo/immunotherapy. Why 4 cycles? or 12? Is it because it’s what most people’s bodies can “take” and it does happen to work, or is it because that’s what is required? How did anyone figure this out?

One of the surprises I had with treatment was that there wasn’t interim imaging like an MRI to check and see how things are going – the process is you do treatment and see what things look like at the end – which doesn’t really sit well with a tester like myself. (I want my interim progress report thank you, and if I was independently wealthy I’d probably insist on an MRI out of pocket, but I’m not …so…) Not much to be done about this at a personal level but I am still curious and a little skeptical.

All of this to say, this is still hard, and I’m grateful to all of you for all you are doing to help keep us going physically and mentally. I hope all of you have a wonderful weekend – thank you for your continued support and encouragement be it via comments here, check-ins, thoughts, prayers, meals, groceries and grocery runs, rides, head coverings, and all the other ways you are all keeping us going…we are continually humbled and grateful for your support!

The now “standard” note at the end of posts for website navigation help:

Thank you for taking time to keep up with us and see how we’re doing as well as all the help!  Because, I think like me, much of the world does nearly everything on their phones…I’m adding this note to the end of posts to make website navigation easier if you are on a phone.  If you’d like to read other journal entries, please click here (oldest post is at the bottom of the page).  There’s also a “hamburger” menu in the top right of the webpage that can help you navigate between the journal, ways to help page, stay in touch, and welcome pages.   Please know that reading this page and thinking of us is help!   Thank you for your support in all forms! If you have any issues, please email [email protected].